I originally published “Swimmers” in February 2024 and was thrilled when Chuck Palahniuk, author of “Fight Club” (plus many, many others) and undoubtedly my favorite writer, reviewed it a few months later.
Purely a technical matter, in the very first paragraph: fasting before surgery is so you don't choke to death on your own vomit during surgery - anaesthesists hate it when that happens, so do surgeons if they're in the midst of slicing you open.
Vomitting after surgery, even on an empty stomach, isn't especially uncommon, that's why they have the little kidney dishes. Nurses are pretty used to cleaning up vomit.
The above wasn't an issue in the first version. The details added in V2 create a problem.
Yeah, I’m with you there. My internet search history is a bizarre and troubling place with the things I research in support of writing fiction - but in this case, I chose to stick with the inaccuracy because it was hard to pull off the story otherwise.
Really interesting thought about having a gradual reveal of the medical issue - it could almost mirror the timing of the reveal of what’s actually taking place at the “event,” which is an appealing twist. I think I could rewrite and rewrite and rewrite until I have Swimmers version 9.0. But that aside, thank you for reading the revised story, and for the feedback!
Excellent rewrite! I like it
Thank you, Vince! We have pigs in both of our stories, it seems.
Purely a technical matter, in the very first paragraph: fasting before surgery is so you don't choke to death on your own vomit during surgery - anaesthesists hate it when that happens, so do surgeons if they're in the midst of slicing you open.
Vomitting after surgery, even on an empty stomach, isn't especially uncommon, that's why they have the little kidney dishes. Nurses are pretty used to cleaning up vomit.
The above wasn't an issue in the first version. The details added in V2 create a problem.
Yeah, I’m with you there. My internet search history is a bizarre and troubling place with the things I research in support of writing fiction - but in this case, I chose to stick with the inaccuracy because it was hard to pull off the story otherwise.
Oh, not suggesting you should have changed the ending! That would be a whole different story. 😁
Really interesting thought about having a gradual reveal of the medical issue - it could almost mirror the timing of the reveal of what’s actually taking place at the “event,” which is an appealing twist. I think I could rewrite and rewrite and rewrite until I have Swimmers version 9.0. But that aside, thank you for reading the revised story, and for the feedback!
I believe the expression is that poems are never finished, merely abandoned.
It always made perfect sense for poets and poetry, that's all. Not so much if extended to other creative fields.