A Famous Fictional Character in the Wrong Story
Stock Market | Serial | Tangy | Panda | Ensemble | Salute | Average | Venus | Boss | Knee
You’re probably wondering where the animals are. Samesies. My hands are wrecked after spending the better part of the last 50 years building the giant goddamn boat in my backyard – on account that the Boss is angling to waterworld this place – and I swing by the stock market because it sounds like the kind of place to grab two of everything but instead some guy named Leo, even though he’s pretending like his name is Jordan, is yapping about how there’s no nobility in poverty. Like, chill bro…I’m just looking for a couple panda.
Sorry, that was a bit of a rant. It’s just, I’m feeling a bit tangy right now. My slivers have slivers and my left knee creaks and what does a guy have to do around here to find a red fox? I’m not fretting over rabbits or hamsters. Or cats, for that matter; Lord knows they won’t be hard to rustle up. But how am I expected to fill out the ensemble cast on this boat when all I have is Leo or Jordan or whoever yelling in my face about how he wants me to deal with my problems by becoming rich? The wave pool will fire up any week now and Leo/Jordan doesn’t give a rat’s ass (speaking of which, I don’t need to bring two rats onboard; them little bastards always find a way), instead setting out to serial-bang every short skirt in the village. Which, fine – I salute you – but we’ve got bigger problems to deal with here.
Listen. According to some magazine he’s “The Wolf of Wall Street,” but I’ve seen a wolf and it wasn’t loaded with quaaludes or hoovering blow.
Tell you what, though. I’d toss every puppy and white rhino overboard to make room for that Naomi broad. At least I think that’s her name. Someone called her Margo. I’m a shade below average under my robe, if you know what I’m saying, and there hasn’t been much time for crunches lately, but Venus herself would be playing grab-ass after drifting around the globe for a few months.